aftr_stories | [MU] - DECEMBER STORYTELLING / MEMORY SHARE

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[MU] - DECEMBER STORYTELLING / MEMORY SHARE

Something is wrong.

This may not very well be obvious, at first. The Storyteller is not present to put forth yet another diatribe, informative or apologetic, and the backdrop of guttering flame and sandy campfire is as present as ever...albeit briefly.

Those who tell their stories will start to notice something...odd taking place. Indeed, no matter how they intend to begin their tale, the land of Mu will immediately start to warp to accommodate it, or something utterly unlike it, until storytellers and listeners alike may find themselves in an exact recreation of a seemingly random memory, in the most stark and painstaking of detail. There is no altering the memory, nor is there any preventing it once it's begun to play - you will simply have to witness memories that are not your own this go around.

Furthermore, stories that take place in worlds other than LifeAftr will be, frankly, inevitable. Those memories, too, will be recreated, to be relived by the teller and lived by the listener.

It is time, once more, for you to tell a story...with a slight twist! This is, in fact, our first player plot, as provided by Dragon! The initial setting will be familiar for oldcomers, and newcomers will recognize it from the introduction they received in their dreams.

Yet for this Storytelling only, people can imagine whatever stories they wish, from both their homes and their time on LifeAftr, as long as they don't mind the fact that others will be reliving those stories in the form of an impromptu memory share.

Even those who prefer not to voice their stories aloud are not safe this time around. If the memory is recalled in essence, Mu will shift to accommodate it in full.

There is, however, a benefit to this: those who venture memories to be relived will receive both a befuddled apology from the Storyteller, who will assert that this was most definitely not meant to happen (they're the Storyteller, not the Rememberer!), as well as a tired promise that the relived memories will be worth two offerings each, as if in compensation.

Not that it counts for much, probably.

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Your stomach twinges in pain as you pull back the lid on the can. You ignore it. Tucking the dangerously sharp metal disc into the shopping bag, you set the tin down on the concrete, then step back several paces.

It takes a while for them to emerge, with your strange presence and your odd smells, but hunger wins out -- thin, mangy cats emerge from the shadows of the alley, tails puffed, watching you for a brisk moment before streaking to the food. They crowd around it, and soon you're completely forgotten. Maybe it ought to make you feel empty; instead, the usual feeling of validation creeps through you, and you're relieved that you're still capable of even such a fleeting thing.

"See ya," you croak through a dry throat. Then you turn around and leave.

Ordinarily, you'd stay, gauge the cats as they ate. Gain a bit of their trust and see if they'd let you pet them. See just how ravenous they are -- whether you should come back to feed them again soon. But that's not something you're capable of doing this time, and to be honest, you don't trust yourself. Just putting that can of food down and walking away from it had taken everything you had.

You're so hungry.

It's because you're an idiot. You have no one to blame but yourself; who else but Ichimatsu would buy a couple convenience-store riceballs, then blow the rest of his final allowance on cat food? It was an impulsive move by someone with little impulse control, something your brothers never would have let you done, but your brothers aren't here right now, and it's feeling a lot like they never will be again. That's fine. Just because they wouldn't let you spend your money on the cats doesn't mean they were right. The cats don't deserve to eat any less than you do.

Your brothers, as usual, just held you back. Just like you held them back. You hope they're doing well now.

You're not doing so hot yourself, but you don't really care. It's natural. You'd once warned your mother that you might become a criminal if you were left to your own devices -- as it turns out, you're actually too soft for that. Without your family, you've got no backbone. Your once bleak future simply becomes nondescript. You'd rather just waste away alone.

The streets are crowded, and you hate people. You have no idea why you ever allowed yourself to wander this far downtown. Sighing, you shuffle your feet, pull your hygiene mask back up over your face as you melt into the pedestrian traffic. The neon city lights have begun blinking, which is your warning that it's going to get dark soon. You've learned that much. Your eyes dully scan each alley that you pass, looking for one next to a sewer that belches warmth, or maybe even an establishment that's carelessly left its back door ajar. Even if you get caught and picked up for vagrancy, it's better than nothing. Heh, maybe you really are just a worthless criminal, in the end.

An abrupt pain wrenches through your middle. You feel yourself stop, clutch your stomach through your sweater, your breath hot and acidic-tasting against your mask. The lights and damned people blur a little bit at the edges of your sight. It's fine... you're fine. All you have to do is stumble to the nearest alley, quality be damned. You'll feel better in the morning. If morning comes.

You take a stumbling step towards the mouth of one, and forget to lift your other foot. The world pitches forward and you feel two sets of arms grab you from each side, steadying you. Dizzy, you struggle to focus.

Jyushimatsu? Kara --?

It's not them, you realize. They're off with their jobs, living well, prospering. They don't have time to be following you around, holding trash back from wasting away. It's a kind-faced couple, concern high in their brows, pulling your weight up and towards the warm glow of a building, their voices low and soft and urgent. It's not your brothers.

It shouldn't be, anyway.

[She's not a cat. No matter how many times she laid in their presence or joined groups of them in adventures through buildings and empty streets, that never changed. She was accepted by them. Trusted them in return. But that one fact never changed.

It was a part of what made her so lonely in that world. She was human. Not a cat, not a ghost, not a malicious thought-it was just her in that big world for the longest time.

It's going to be difficult for her to teach him how to hunt. To scavenge. Mama cats would know the proper way to show kittens, other cats like him, but she remembers the way he desperately shoved handfuls of sugar into his mouth, hissing when she came too close and-

It's something she has to do. She knows what it feels like to starve and recognizes the way he clutches his shirt, like it'll magically shrink his stomach or temporarily fill it. He had protected the cats in the ally, but didn't save enough for himself. It must be because he's so kind that he ignores the places piping hot food in the windows and she doesn't get why he doesn't just go in and take it. Why he doesn't go back to exchange more treasure for cat food he can eat himself-she can see a ground littered with shiny rocks and spare change.

Maybe it's because he's that kind. He would rather starve than take food away from the numerous survivors around him.

But in the end, someone grabs him. They bring him somewhere and relief washes over her. Maybe-]

Did you eat?

[Ichimatsu doesn't even notice her. Not at first. He's focused on the couple, who appear as blurred smudges of color in the memory, but slowly sharpen into soft and kind faces just as the memory cuts out. There's an almost shameful twist of loathing inside him that he doesn't have the time to indulge: not when he hears Ren a moment later.]

[He cringes. Brings up a hand to rub at his stomach absently, then moves it to his brow, wiping it with a sigh. That's... he almost preferred the memory of his embarrassing brother. Almost. Being homeless was one of his more recent lows, and definitely not one he wants to share, but he guesses it could have been worse. This memory probably isn't one that'd surprise anyone who knows him. At least Choromatsu isn't here to have seen it.]

Ah... yeah. I did. Those two helped me out.

[It was his best meal in a while -- and the last one he'd had, before ending up here.]

Sorry you had to see that, Ren-chan. It was pretty pathetic.

Edited 2017-12-28 00:47 (UTC)

[In her mind, she offers a quiet 'thanks' to those two kind-hearted people that figured out what this cat needed-maybe they gave him small pieces of onigiri, a little fish, or a tin of cat food. Not that the content matter as long as his stomach ended up being full and he didn't get sick from it.]

I-

[liked this memory, isn't quite right, given that her favorite cat starved for the duration of it. I'm happy I saw it doesn't fit either for the aforementioned reason. She looks disappointed as she tries to form some kind of coherent thought and what comes out instead is-]

Murasaki-chan made those cats very happy.

[The word 'pathetic' doesn't cross her mind. He gave up a meal, his only meal, to give that cat family a chance at survival.]

You were their 'hero'. That's what they thought.

[Yeah!! Fight her!! She can understand memory cats too. ]

[He lowers his arm slowly. Rests it on his lap, instead of back on his stomach. He's not hungry; not here, in Mu, not even on the island, not as often as someone talentless in self-preservation should be, not with his brother breathing down his neck all the time, making sure he eats even when he'd rather sleep the day away. It's annoying, and kind, and suspicious. Maybe Karamatsu figured out what happened in those weeks they'd all left home. He's too good of a brother to bring it up.]

[Ichimatsu isn't hungry now, but the sharp and painful memory of starvation rings through his middle even as Ren speaks. He's abruptly aware of her again, wondering: if she's felt lonely like he has, if onigiri is such a rare and novel concept for her, has she also been through things like this? Starving slowly, without anyone to care for her? The thought... is horrible. He doesn't entertain it long. It's something else that slides under the surface of what he knows about her, alongside hospital gowns and ghosts.]

[She calls him a hero, and he makes a thoughtful noise low in his throat. The thought to disagree with her, at least aloud, doesn't even cross his mind; he smiles instead, just an upward twitch to the corners of his mouth.]

Think so? Well... it's no big deal. It's just that they don't have thumbs for the tin.

[A thought begins to form when she sees the smile appear on his face in what feels like far too long. Though the memory was short, it stuck with her even now. She didn't like the expression he was making in there-felt a painful ache that she couldn't go and help him. That no one was shoving food his way when he desperately needed it and couldn't manage to fend for himself. Not until the very end at least, when that couple found him. A pair that must understand cats the same way she did to know what he needed that night.

But it surprises her even Murasaki, in all his cat wisdom, can't see all he did for that feral family. Maybe the human side of him made him blind to what she can clearly see in the heart of those cats-why they would use the word 'hero' if they could speak any language other than nya.]

You looked at them. You did that too. No one else said hello to them.

[Which sounds like nothing. And to anyone else saying it, it would come of their mouth sounding like nothing, but to her-

It's important.]

You made sure they were happy.

[Despite himself, Ichimatsu finds his smile settling a bit wider. Figures... Ren won't even let him blow something this simple off. He guesses if he were in her position, he'd feel the same way. Feeding the cats, visiting them, making sure they've got someone looking out for them -- it's just something he does. One of his weird habits that his brothers never think much about. But a fellow cat-lover would understand how important they are. Far more important than he is.]

[He doesn't dare voice that thought; he only chuckles and gestures her closer, inviting her to sit next to him at the fire.]

Sure I did. Cats don't say 'hi' the same way people do, but that doesn't mean they don't talk to us. I'm sure Ren-chan knows that already.

[That simple gesture is the only permission she needs to amble over, sitting as close as she can get. There's no way she's going to ignore an opportunity to sit by her cat's side. Personal space is nonexistent in a dream, apparently.

And with that, she stops to listen for his stomach. It's to ease her own mind and hope he's not running into similar issues here. He doesn't know how to hunt, but everyone here is so kind it would be impossible for him to not have a meal in his stomach at all times. Or so she hopes.]

They know how to talk right to your heart. That's what cats are good at.

[They don't even need to say 'nya', but it certainly helps.]

Murasaki-chan is special. You can talk both ways.

[In Mu, the stomach wants for nothing. The only thing Ren may hear as she moves closer is the slow and steeling breath Ichimatsu draws in. With five brothers, he's never been fussed about personal space with them, but for others it's different -- and though Ren is far from a stranger, she's a girl. Soft and cute girls don't touch gross guys like him. It's against the laws of the universe. He shouldn't be trusted with something like that, either.]

[But maybe this is different. Before he can think himself into a corner, Ichimatsu extends one arm out with an uneven smile, gesturing her to lean in against his side. If she doesn't want to, he won't get mad. She already allowed him to hold her hand once; he hopes she doesn't think he's being a weirdo.]

[Either way, he talks on.]

It's not that I'm special. Cats are easy to understand. They won't hurt you or reject you, and they don't expect more out of you than you're capable of. That's why they're the only ones you can really trust.

ESP Kitty used to be the best at understanding peoples' feelings, though.

[Weirdo is the furthest thought from Ren's mind. Considerate, kind-she can't fully place the feeling that warms her entire body when he offers a spot that close to him. Of course she's going to take the opportunity to scoot over, huddling up against his side. She's pretty sure if she turns her head, she could probably hear his heart beating. Sorry, friend. This is your life now. Who needs things like personal space?

Because even in a dream, he's still warm. And as long as she stays by his side, she's safe.

Hearing him talk this fondly about his cat brethren brings a smile to her face. Doesn't he realize those words describe him too?]

ESP Kitty is still very good at that kind of thing. He's like you.

[She would say like all cats, but Murasaki is one of a kind.]

When my heart says 'I want to see someone', ESP kitty lays by me. [Pause] And when it says 'I want to be warm', Murasaki-Chan does something nice.

[Cats are so good.]

[Maybe this was -- a mistake.]

[She huddles up next to him, and his arm reflexively goes down around her shoulders, and she's too small to be one of his brothers but too big to be one of his cats, and he doesn't have anything to compare with the nameless, warm feeling that tightens his lungs. Suddenly he's fifteen again, crying into his mom's shoulder. He's sixteen, pushing Osomatsu off and saying he's too old to be touchy-feely with anyone anymore. He's seventeen, and Karamatsu won't let go of his arm, no matter how loud and cruelly he yells.]

[Except something happened, something changed, and here he is now, the adult with the child at his side. Seeking his protection and warmth, just because he offered it to her. For a brief second, he wonders -- is this what it felt like to be his mom, his older brothers, when he wanted and needed them?]

[For the first time, Ichimatsu is floored with what it's like, to want to be someone worth relying on that badly. To have a reason right here. To be able to protect her from loneliness, or ghosts, or the cold.]

[It's embarrassing, super fucking embarrassing, but tears prick the corners of his eyes and he wipes at them with a sleeve, reaching up to ruffle her hair the same way Osomatsu sometimes does his -- but gently.]

Ah? Maybe that's just because I wear a hoodie. You could try it sometime.

[The contact is nice-she can't help to close her eyes and wonder if that's how it feels when you're a cat and have someone running their fingers over your head. She can see why they purr and purr for attention, in that case. It brings a smile to her face and she doesn't move to fix her hair. That can be her new style, avant garde bedhead.

Unfortunately for her precious cat, she decides that this is a gesture she wants him to experience too. If he lets her, she's going to raise her hands and lightly ruffle his hair. Then begin fixing it into tiny, little braids that won't last, but she's gonna try.]

Sometimes you don't have that thing on-

[He took it off when they played together on the sandy beach for the first time-when the sun got too hot after he took his afternoon cat nap.]

But your pretty heart is still like that. That's how Murasaki-chan is special.

[Seeing Ren's reaction gives Ichimatsu a sort of immediate understanding of why Osomatsu likes doing this to him so much. He only has two little brothers, and neither of them exactly jive with this sort of affection: Jyushimatsu is too kinetic, never sits still long enough, and Todomatsu... well, besides being the last person who deserves it, would probably stab him with a phone stylus if he ever tried it.]

[It's not like petting a cat, but it's... nice.]

[He smiles at the turnabout, too, letting her ruffle his hair as much as she wants; she's not as playfully rough as Osomatsu, but that only makes both of them special in their own way. It's when she moves her fingers through his hair and starts winding them into braids that he pauses, the sensation utterly foreign to him.]

[Even without turning his head, though, it doesn't take him long to figure out what she's doing. What else do girls do with someone else's hair?]

[He feels his face redden, and he looks down, busying his hands with the hem of his hoodie. Aside from the times Todomatsu has attacked him with a comb and hair gel, this is definitely new. And sort of... soothing. His impulse is to shake his head at her words -- but he suppresses it, not wanting to interrupt her work.]

...

... can I ask you something, Ren-chan? It-...it's all right if you don't wanna answer.

[It's because he doesn't shift and shake around that she continues on without a care in the world. The braids are tiny-they won't stay. She has nothing on her person that will keep them from unwinding moments after she finishes, but it doesn't stop her. She continues to play, sometimes stopping to pet the top of his head because he's being so good.

But she's surprised he asks first. There are only a handful of questions she wouldn't answer, less still if they came out of the mouth of a cat.]

You can ask me-I'm good at answering questions now.

[Just accept her responses will be Bad and make no sense and it's good? It's fine.]

[She gives him permission without a second thought. Ichimatsu, conversely, is made of nothing but.]

...

When Ren-chan is looking at people. When it comes to someone like Seto, and... someone like me.

['Me' curls on his tongue with disdain. He isn't fast enough to catch himself, so he barrels on instead. What he's trying to ask... he speaks slowly, doing his best to phrase it in her words.]

There's no way Seto's heart looks like mine, right? So what makes a heart 'pretty' to you?

[It's unexpected because there's no question about it in her mind. An explanation is hard to muster up and she keeps her hands busy by winding stands of hair together, then apart, then twisting them back around instead of hemming and hawing over words she can't figure out. There's a prolonged silence, not because she doesn't want to answer, but because she can't.

All cats have good hearts, but she doesn't recall one as pretty as Ichimatsu's in her world. Maybe that's why it's hard for him to accept it-because he's used to being like all the other cats without truly seeing how exceptional he is among them.

That's how it is isn't the response he wants, even if it's the first thought that comes to mind and-

It had been so easy back then. She didn't need doctors to whisper to her or talk to scientists to see what they truly thought about her. About the project. About their own worries and issues and problems that extended beyond the four walls she was trapped in. It had been easy, but lonely. Easy, but upsetting. Easy, but she never saw one beautiful heart in all her years among those people.]

It's because Murasaki-chan makes it pretty-that's how I can see it that way.

[Without feeling hearts like she used to, distinguishing the true thoughts and feelings of others is hard, but with that difficulty, everything feels genuine. She's forced to place her trust in people, hoping they're honest with their words and seeing their hearts shine how they truly should, without her own interfering in that nonverbal translation.

Murasaki was one of the first to show her how easy it could be to trust people, by being himself. By sitting by her side and making her feel like everything's okay just by his presence alone. He might be a cat, but he's a little bit human too and that part of him helps most of all.]

It glows when you smile and when you say 'hello Ren-chan'. I can tell how pretty you made it when you hold my hand very tight and when you draw pretty pictures on the wall and make treasures out of food. It's pretty because Murasaki-chan is special.

[It's dumb and hard to explain. She's doing her best though.]

That's how it is.

[He tilts his head in consternation. It's a reflex, one he would never have done purposely, not if it meant endangering the little braids forming in his hair. Mostly, he's thinking.]

[And it comes to him. With a flash of mild dismay, it settles inside him with perfect clarity. When she says that he makes himself pretty, that he does pretty things, that he's special, the rest of it falls in place, and he realizes exactly why he can never agree with what she says.]

[He just doesn't understand her. It's that simple. He doesn't understand her, someone who grew up truly alone, who doesn't get to eat onigiri often or play baseball. And she doesn't understand him. She doesn't understand that he's just one person among six of exacting failures, who grew up with a perfectly normal life but somehow tripped himself far before the finish line and never bothered getting back up.]

[Something separates them. Something she has that he lacks; something that makes the reverse true, too.]

[And it's better that way.]

[If it's that simple, then he doesn't really have to worry about it. Because it's not going to change. It's not something he's capable of changing, so that means he's free to just accept it. He can accept that Ren is someone he can't fully understand -- so long as it means that she won't ever be able to fully understand him. He wouldn't ever want her to.]

[Even if he doesn't understand the way she sees the world, he understands everything that makes her important to him.]

[So he smiles, nodding placidly, raising the pitch of his voice into one of dramatized wonderment.]

Ahh, so that's how it is. I get it now. Thanks for explaining, Ren-chan. You're great at it.

[Her explanations leave much to be desired, even Ren knows that, and she doesn't expect people to look at her with understanding when she's asked to justify whatever thoughts and feelings she has.

But cats always get her. Whether they speak in human languages or nyas, they understand. It's why she loves them. It's why she found safety and comfort in their presence-because they understood when she was happy or scared. They didn't need words for it and Murasaki, who she worried wouldn't understand, because for once she has to use words to convey ideas-

He gets it. Like every other cat. Better than the other cats because he's a special one that reminds her with every Ren-chan and good job why she's lucky to have met him. He always makes her feel like she did something right. Something good. A feeling that was completely foreign to her until arriving on the island and one she feels with increasing frequency every passing day. Thanks to him, to the elves, to Guzma, to Kidwun and Drifter-people who look at her with kind smiles and let her drape them in flowers and allow her to catch glimpses of their hearts. She knows it's impossible for her to ever fully put into words what makes their hearts shine in that beautiful, special way that only she can apparently see, but it's enough that Murasaki understands. It makes her beam from ear to ear and- ]

If you don't remember sometimes, that's okay. I'll do a good job explaining it again. I won't let you forget why your heart is pretty.

[She lets her hands drop from the half done braids on his head to his shoulders and if he doesn't move, she's going to bury her face into his back.

He's such a good boy.]

[He's sure she won't.]

[He won't forget anyway, because hearing that his heart is pretty is a jigsaw piece he'll never be able to fit inside himself; one that will never lock in, and he'll have to hold it in his hands and carry it with him for as long as it's there. And he knows it's going to be there for a long, long time. For as long as Ren believes it. For as long as...]

[He doesn't mess it up.]

[He's trying hard not to. Probably harder than he's ever tried for anyone in his life. Maybe he'll succeed; maybe he won't; but it must mean something that he wants to do something right for her, this girl who likes cats and gets scared and probably grew up so damn lonely. And this... he doesn't really know how to define it. Ichimatsu has a lot of siblings. But...]

[ ]

[She buries her face into his back, and for all he's never accustomed to anyone's touch outside of his family, Ichimatsu doesn't flinch at all. Jyushimatsu has done this before. So has Todomatsu. And he's done it, too, sought comfort in his sibling's smell, the broadness of them just being there. It's familiar. And Ichimatsu isn't a cat, but he's a brother, and he might resist them sometimes but he comes with his own set of instincts for being one.]

[So he follows them.]

[He leans forward, slowly, just enough to disengage her weight. Then he twists around and pulls her into his side -- if she lets him.]

[He doesn't say anything.]

[He leans forward and she starts to twist her fingers into the fabric of his shirt, as if that would stop him. As if she could really keep him from moving away. Sometimes cats have to leave-that's how it is. It doesn't stop her from tightening the grip she has on him, for a moment, the same way she would desperately hold onto the stray cats that would want to leave, no matter how lonely she felt.

She doesn't feel lonely now-not with him by her side and knowing he understands her words with a clarity he didn't earlier. But she wants him to stay. Knows he can't stay and lets her fingers loosen in time for him to twist and drag into-

Safety. Warmth. There's a flash of tiny, grateful smile before she hides again, face pressing against the front of his shirt, arms wrapping around his body to keep him in place.

This way, she can hear the beat of his pretty heart.

She can listen to the quiet pounding as she settles into the side of this cat's body. She wants to keep him warm too. Hopes she's managing in a way she knows she can't-knows she can't offer him the same feeling of comfort he's giving her, but she's trying all the same.

He's staying with her and that's all she needs.]

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[MU] - DECEMBER STORYTELLING / MEMORY SHARE

ii. loving never gave me a home

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