[Their eyes meet, and Guzma...he feels nothing. He feels nothing but anger. Each grimy tear staining her face reminds him that his secrets were broadcast for all to see - his pain, his suffering, his descent into the sort of broken, fractured man he has become today. A runaway, a misfit, an unwanted and deranged child that clubbed his own fa--...clubbed a man to the point of drawing blood. Would he have killed that man, if left unchecked? It's likely. It's very likely, and Guzma hates himself for it.
Hates that he cares. Hates that he doesn't care. He hates being reminded. He put that time behind it, hide it away in the depths of his very soul, behind time and a hundred thousand walls.
She wasn't supposed to see it, and nor was he. He never, ever wanted to relive that day. He never wanted to go back to that house...why did he go back? For his mom? Because of what happened in Ultra Space, with that other girl, and that demented broad? That didn't seem right. It didn't seem right, and he felt like a stranger in that house... Never again. He'd have to make his peace and never set foot on that ground again. It's not his home. It's never been a home at all.
You promised - the words crackle on his skin and send Guzma reeling. You promised you'd come home. Don't forget.
He promised. He promised and he wants to bite back, take it back, tell her to piss off and...and what? He knows what, and Guzma squeezes his eyes shut as he grips his hands into his hair, fingers curling into the white strands, nails digging into his scalp. He lets out a low, agonized noise and shakes his head furiously, taking a few steps back and away from the girl, turns his back on her.]
RRRGHH--! WHY WON'T YOU GET IT?! I'M MESSED UP! I'M MESSED UP AND I COULD BEAT YOU DOWN SO STINKING EASY IT AIN'T EVEN FUNNY! YOU SEEN WHAT I DID, YOU SEEN WHAT KINDA MONSTER I AM!! WHY THE HECK DO YOU WANT ME TO COME BACK ALL'A TIME?! ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING?! DO YOU WANT ME TO HURT YOU?! BECAUSE I CAN! I CAN, LUNA!!
[He can, and it's terrifying. It's terrifying, how easily he could hurt her, if he was angry enough. It's why he forbade her to go to Monsun, if she could help it. If ever...if ever they found each other in that awful forest, for any reason, he could so easily hurt her, and not stop himself.
He lost control of his body and mind once, he's not willing to repeat.]
I don't get what y'all see in me that I don't!! And I hate it! I hate how y'all think I'm so good when I'm not! I'm not and I know it - I can't change!! Trash is still trash no matter how y'try to rearrange it!
cw: mild self harm
Hates that he cares. Hates that he doesn't care. He hates being reminded. He put that time behind it, hide it away in the depths of his very soul, behind time and a hundred thousand walls.
She wasn't supposed to see it, and nor was he. He never, ever wanted to relive that day. He never wanted to go back to that house...why did he go back? For his mom? Because of what happened in Ultra Space, with that other girl, and that demented broad? That didn't seem right. It didn't seem right, and he felt like a stranger in that house... Never again. He'd have to make his peace and never set foot on that ground again. It's not his home. It's never been a home at all.
You promised - the words crackle on his skin and send Guzma reeling. You promised you'd come home. Don't forget.
He promised. He promised and he wants to bite back, take it back, tell her to piss off and...and what? He knows what, and Guzma squeezes his eyes shut as he grips his hands into his hair, fingers curling into the white strands, nails digging into his scalp. He lets out a low, agonized noise and shakes his head furiously, taking a few steps back and away from the girl, turns his back on her.]
RRRGHH--! WHY WON'T YOU GET IT?! I'M MESSED UP! I'M MESSED UP AND I COULD BEAT YOU DOWN SO STINKING EASY IT AIN'T EVEN FUNNY! YOU SEEN WHAT I DID, YOU SEEN WHAT KINDA MONSTER I AM!! WHY THE HECK DO YOU WANT ME TO COME BACK ALL'A TIME?! ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING?! DO YOU WANT ME TO HURT YOU?! BECAUSE I CAN! I CAN, LUNA!!
[He can, and it's terrifying. It's terrifying, how easily he could hurt her, if he was angry enough. It's why he forbade her to go to Monsun, if she could help it. If ever...if ever they found each other in that awful forest, for any reason, he could so easily hurt her, and not stop himself.
He lost control of his body and mind once, he's not willing to repeat.]
I don't get what y'all see in me that I don't!! And I hate it! I hate how y'all think I'm so good when I'm not! I'm not and I know it - I can't change!! Trash is still trash no matter how y'try to rearrange it!