[He wants to argue. As Zacharie says, the Batter was digging in his heels and was refusing to move like a child. Playing a game of tug-of-war without the rope. A very dark thought enters his mind and the Batter has to shake off other ideas of what he could do with a rope and just let him focus again please.
Breathe. In and out, in and out. It does take a good while but the Batter eventually manages to regulate his breathing to something normal. Calm. Not emotionless, or someone trying to surpress what he's feeling. It's true that the Batter didn't feel much but whatever managed to slip through was instictivly crushed on the spot. Ripping up the roses in an effort to destroy the weeds or however you want to spin it.
It was really, really....well, stupid. All of this was stupid and it's childish to think of it that way but he can't help it this time. The Batter was in control of his thoughts, or he was back home. Never had to deal with something like this.
But then again he's never had to deal with any of this. The Batter fully expected to die. He would not live long enough to really worry about examining his thoughts. But he's stuck here and stuck with his own non-reality. But---]
I...
[No. He snaps his mouth closed, not to go radio-silent but to think a bit more. A bad move considering how bad things got when the purifier thought too much on a particular subject but he needed to. Once again, Zacharie has a point.
Back home the man was the only merchant in the world, yet here he was. Hadn't sold a single thing, hadn't stuck to his role like there was nothing else Zacharie was build for. Certainly when the Batter thought of the other man, he still thought of him as a merchant but that was because he knew barely anything about him besides that. He knew the Judge, knew a girl name Sucre. Was the one who killed the Toad King. But likes or dislikes? Hopes and fears? No dice.
The Batter couldn't think back to what the Queen liked or disliked but that was because his memories were eroding. And Hugo? That was a whole other thing and would probably lead into another spiral so he won't think about it.
And as for killing everyone on the island? The Batter had been warned by a child that he should take care if he walked down that path because he would die. But that did not stop him back home. It should have not stopped him here.
Yet here we are.]
I don't want to be here. [He makes a vauge guesture towards his own head. Hopefully Zacharie understands what he means.] I....I think that's what I can't escape.
[He can't escape himself. Whenever the Batter looked in a reflective surface, he saw nothing but eyes staring back at him. Whispers and something clawing on the other side in an effort to get out and wrap its hands around his neck.]
I'm safe if I stay there but I don't think it's good.
[A self-inflicted hell is at least self-inflicted, but it's still hell]
You have said it many times Zacharie, but do you really believe there is hope for a thing like me?
[Not even something like redemption. He's probably too far gone for that. But maybe, just a chance to be okay for a little while?]
no subject
Breathe. In and out, in and out. It does take a good while but the Batter eventually manages to regulate his breathing to something normal. Calm. Not emotionless, or someone trying to surpress what he's feeling. It's true that the Batter didn't feel much but whatever managed to slip through was instictivly crushed on the spot. Ripping up the roses in an effort to destroy the weeds or however you want to spin it.
It was really, really....well, stupid. All of this was stupid and it's childish to think of it that way but he can't help it this time. The Batter was in control of his thoughts, or he was back home. Never had to deal with something like this.
But then again he's never had to deal with any of this. The Batter fully expected to die. He would not live long enough to really worry about examining his thoughts. But he's stuck here and stuck with his own non-reality. But---]
I...
[No. He snaps his mouth closed, not to go radio-silent but to think a bit more. A bad move considering how bad things got when the purifier thought too much on a particular subject but he needed to. Once again, Zacharie has a point.
Back home the man was the only merchant in the world, yet here he was. Hadn't sold a single thing, hadn't stuck to his role like there was nothing else Zacharie was build for. Certainly when the Batter thought of the other man, he still thought of him as a merchant but that was because he knew barely anything about him besides that. He knew the Judge, knew a girl name Sucre. Was the one who killed the Toad King. But likes or dislikes? Hopes and fears? No dice.
The Batter couldn't think back to what the Queen liked or disliked but that was because his memories were eroding. And Hugo? That was a whole other thing and would probably lead into another spiral so he won't think about it.
And as for killing everyone on the island? The Batter had been warned by a child that he should take care if he walked down that path because he would die. But that did not stop him back home. It should have not stopped him here.
Yet here we are.]
I don't want to be here. [He makes a vauge guesture towards his own head. Hopefully Zacharie understands what he means.] I....I think that's what I can't escape.
[He can't escape himself. Whenever the Batter looked in a reflective surface, he saw nothing but eyes staring back at him. Whispers and something clawing on the other side in an effort to get out and wrap its hands around his neck.]
I'm safe if I stay there but I don't think it's good.
[A self-inflicted hell is at least self-inflicted, but it's still hell]
You have said it many times Zacharie, but do you really believe there is hope for a thing like me?
[Not even something like redemption. He's probably too far gone for that. But maybe, just a chance to be okay for a little while?]