Of course he wouldn't be satisfied, wouldn't allow himself to be. That's the cornerstone of his existence, putting his own well-being first--or it, it was. It was and wasn't entirely, and that's on Lucretia, so hypothetically, that carefully curated grudge wouldn't be entirely on him. So while he's apparently perfectly cool with asking near-strangers for an explanation, asking her doesn't seem nearly so fruitful. He wants for it not to have happened, and to be told he's in the right, and neither of those seems likely to result.
But Shepard is offering at least one of those things, at least to a degree; it's not any kind of emotional panacea but he sure doesn't mind being told his feelings make sense, because he wasn't going to come to a concrete conclusion about that on his own emotional feet, that's for sure. Unfortunately, the rest of what she offers up is less palatable.
Because what is that description of survival-based decision-making but a kind of mirror? And that's the last thing he wants. Does he really get to complain? It's all fun and games when it's him making the not-good-or-bad decision? It's not a new comparison, but that doesn't mean he has to like it this time around either.
"Yeah, I get that," he concedes quietly, though the way he worries at his lips makes it seem like he still doesn't. "That's not...I don't have that doubt." And he doesn't, really. You can't just run around the universe in a friendship-powered spaceship and have those kinds of doubts. It's not on brand, but even Taako gets it. But it's not like that makes the math here easier and you know what, he doesn't have to deal with this, actually.
"It's whatever, you know?" He gives a little one-shoulder shrug, almost mechanical, more like brushing off the feeling of bumping into a stranger on the street than anything else. Maybe she does know, even; he has no idea, because when has he ever bothered to find out much about people in a new plane? Hey, good idea. "Anyway, what's your whole deal? Like, I thought you were maybe in some kinda space army, what's with all the therapy talk? Is this like a hobby for you?"
Hey, when the going gets tough, the tough deflect. Technically this counts as showing interest in someone else's goings-on too, that's like, two birds with one stone. He gets to step back from an unsolveable tangle of feelings that he should probably not have involved her in in the first place, and he gets decent person points too.
no subject
But Shepard is offering at least one of those things, at least to a degree; it's not any kind of emotional panacea but he sure doesn't mind being told his feelings make sense, because he wasn't going to come to a concrete conclusion about that on his own emotional feet, that's for sure. Unfortunately, the rest of what she offers up is less palatable.
Because what is that description of survival-based decision-making but a kind of mirror? And that's the last thing he wants. Does he really get to complain? It's all fun and games when it's him making the not-good-or-bad decision? It's not a new comparison, but that doesn't mean he has to like it this time around either.
"Yeah, I get that," he concedes quietly, though the way he worries at his lips makes it seem like he still doesn't. "That's not...I don't have that doubt." And he doesn't, really. You can't just run around the universe in a friendship-powered spaceship and have those kinds of doubts. It's not on brand, but even Taako gets it. But it's not like that makes the math here easier and you know what, he doesn't have to deal with this, actually.
"It's whatever, you know?" He gives a little one-shoulder shrug, almost mechanical, more like brushing off the feeling of bumping into a stranger on the street than anything else. Maybe she does know, even; he has no idea, because when has he ever bothered to find out much about people in a new plane? Hey, good idea. "Anyway, what's your whole deal? Like, I thought you were maybe in some kinda space army, what's with all the therapy talk? Is this like a hobby for you?"
Hey, when the going gets tough, the tough deflect. Technically this counts as showing interest in someone else's goings-on too, that's like, two birds with one stone. He gets to step back from an unsolveable tangle of feelings that he should probably not have involved her in in the first place, and he gets decent person points too.