I knew a guy who ruined thousands, maybe millions of lives, including my own shot at anything but a life of crime.
[Gobbet rests her chin in her hands, closing her eyes as the memories of the Walled City flood back to her.]
He doomed us to a slum where the energy itself was so dark and so...evil, that it tore open a hole to another dimension and let a demon goddess through to our world.
[Normally, she doesn't let it get to her. But she watched so many people die in such horrific ways growing up. She killed people herself. She sifted through trash heavy with rot and used needles for her next meal. She slept in the sewers because the streets were too dangerous. Because the rain was too icy. Or the junkies were out in force. She couldn't always hold down the ache in her heart where a better life could have been.]
[Gobbet shakes herself out of the reverie. Looks hard at Tim.]
You know what he did with all that guilt and shame? With the weight of every life he ruined? He turned it into the will to live just so he could fix it. So he could make up for some of what he'd done. He could never fix it all, hell I sure didn't forgive him when it came down to it, but he tried to do as much good as he could. It was his responsibility to live because he ruined those lives. You can't fix shit if you're dead. Death doesn't solve anything. It doesn't solve your problems or the problems you've made. So what gives you the right to chicken out?
[She's rambling a little, not all the points fit together the way she wants them to, but she's kind of pissed. Pissed that someone's philosophy can be so objectively wrong to her. That this life she saved was looking to be wasted.]
[That his lack of desire to be alive invalidated her own convictions about living and surviving. And rendered her a murderous asshole by comparison.]
no subject
[Gobbet rests her chin in her hands, closing her eyes as the memories of the Walled City flood back to her.]
He doomed us to a slum where the energy itself was so dark and so...evil, that it tore open a hole to another dimension and let a demon goddess through to our world.
[Normally, she doesn't let it get to her. But she watched so many people die in such horrific ways growing up. She killed people herself. She sifted through trash heavy with rot and used needles for her next meal. She slept in the sewers because the streets were too dangerous. Because the rain was too icy. Or the junkies were out in force. She couldn't always hold down the ache in her heart where a better life could have been.]
[Gobbet shakes herself out of the reverie. Looks hard at Tim.]
You know what he did with all that guilt and shame? With the weight of every life he ruined? He turned it into the will to live just so he could fix it. So he could make up for some of what he'd done. He could never fix it all, hell I sure didn't forgive him when it came down to it, but he tried to do as much good as he could. It was his responsibility to live because he ruined those lives. You can't fix shit if you're dead. Death doesn't solve anything. It doesn't solve your problems or the problems you've made. So what gives you the right to chicken out?
[She's rambling a little, not all the points fit together the way she wants them to, but she's kind of pissed. Pissed that someone's philosophy can be so objectively wrong to her. That this life she saved was looking to be wasted.]
[That his lack of desire to be alive invalidated her own convictions about living and surviving. And rendered her a murderous asshole by comparison.]