Because who I am right now is tired, Asch. I'm tired of hatred, of fury, of homicidal rage against people I once cared about. Gilgamesh, my brother, all of what became the kingdom of Lucis--I loved them once, and then I turned to destroy the world all of us sought to protect.

...I don't want this anymore. I don't wish to live drowning in murderous hatred against people that were once kind to me, even though they should one and all betray me in the end.