[MU] - AUGUST STORYTELLING

[lifeaftr_mods]

This should, as of the last dream, be a far more familiar setting than it was prior. The flames flicker with an almost hypnotic effect, and round slabs of driftwood form log-like seats around the bonfire. This time, however, you are not alone with the elephant or rabbit or dog or Storyteller in the room - and they are in the room, taking whatever shape they deem most suitable for the situation.

This dream is shared.

One by one, you will each have the opportunity to share your stories. Stories have a certain power that cannot be replicated or cast aside. As far as those for whom this is their first Storytelling, the Storyteller will not require that the story itself take place in LifeAftr, though all Storytellings from this point onward will.

If you prefer to keep your mouth shut, that's always an option, though you're more liable to benefit if you do. Perhaps you'd rather not relive any of your history, varied and variegated as it must be. Or maybe you're something of a compulsive un-truther, prone to embellishments and long, fanciful tangents. As long as the core of the story is true to its spirit, you are free to spin your tale however you like. Longer, more entertaining anecdotes will be far more appreciated - and, indeed, useful, - than the verbal equivalent of a third grader's "What I Did On Summer Vacation" essay.

So choose your tale wisely.

Comments

[yallstupid]

[Guzma sighs a little at the start of the story - it's always the same, and he's really not sure what he expects from a kid, but...all things considered, this one here was very unlike the kids he's come across in his time. They're witty, sharp as a knife, and got a more realistic outlook on life. It's surprising, but not wholly unwelcome. The story is a lot more cheerful than he expected from them, yes, but it makes him snicker nonetheless.

It's a cute story, and he likes it when smarmy, little brats get served a steaming, hot slice of what they deserve - literally in this case. Fun and games, yeah, but it was entertaining, and the moral of the story is: mom knows everything, point blank.]

Hope mommy dear was ready for the ruckus them kiddos would cause in the bathroom later... [Muttered more to himself, but it's the truth. That pie sounded like a one-way ticket to station number two, for sure.]

[achievementhunter]

[An innocent story isn't their usual niche, it's true; but the outcome suits them all the same, smile remaining polite and..."open", as the reviews pour in. It's the reception they wanted- that doesn't make it less asinine.

Guzma likely would have appreciated one of their more graphic stories.]

If I recall correctly- she wasn't. [Which had more to do with a difference in species than a lack of forethought.] Yet another reason the kitchen was deemed off-limits for any trickery.

[yallstupid]

[To be fair, the toilet humor is amusing enough for his tastes, and Guzma snickers loudly imagining the aforementioned "ruckus" poor mommy dear had to clean up or endure after the tragedy with her spices. It's truly hilarious to think about, how neither party seemed to truly win in that situation, though the comeuppance for the tykes was surely the moral the story, of course.]

Oh man...my condolences. [He puts a hand over his heart.] Can only imagine what that poor toilet had to go through. The real hero of our story.

[achievementhunter]

[Chara had been the one to regret it the most. It's not a part of the story- so of course, they don't tell him. Some terrifying embarrassments are meant to stay firmly in the past.]

Therein lies the most tragic aspect of this story. [They bow their head, voice dropping into a somewhat mournful tone.] There was no toilet.

1/3

[yallstupid]

[There was no toilet.]

2/3

[yallstupid]

[There was no toilet.]

[yallstupid]

Holy crap.

[RATHER LITERALLY. Guzma clears his throat - this story took a rather messy turn for the worst, didn't it? Now he just plain feels sorry for mom. That poor, poor woman...

]

[achievementhunter]

Indeed. [They look half ready to burst out into laughter, cheeks dimpling.]

So perhaps the entire family learned a valuable lesson, that day.

[yallstupid]

That indoor plumbing is the way'a the future, I hope.

[SERIOUSLY. What the hell kind of house these days doesn't have an indoor toilet? I mean, come on. Guzma shakes his head blowing out a whistle.] Though, uh..considering the new landscape, that there's gonna be few and far between now. Better watch where y'all step these days, yo.

[Oh lord, he hangs his head with a wheezy laugh, but the fear is Real.]

[achievementhunter]

I would hope that everyone has already learned to bury their dastardly deeds, by this point. Are you telling me you haven't, sir?

[You can't do this to them they're mentally twelve and far too easily swayed by toilet humor.]

[yallstupid]

[Okay, that's all it takes. Guzma erupts with laughter, nearly falling backwards over his log. He presses a fist to his mouth to smother his laughter, his eyes creasing with the effort to choke back his mirth. Did someone say something about being mentally twelve?]

Hey, bro, I keep all my skeleton's in the closet, y'dig? Dirt under the rug and all that. [Lord, here comes the wheezy chuckles again. Why is talk about poop so horribly funny?] Can't say nothing for no one else, but man am I regretting picking out white sneaks, yo.

[achievementhunter]

[Wow, that's disgusting! Chara jerks forward, smiling so wide it hurts their cheeks.

And for a brief moment, they laugh. Genuinely.]

My condolences for your poor aim.

[Gross. So gross. It's awesome.]

[yallstupid]

[Oh my god, did this kid just insinuate he can't take a shit properly? Guzma snorts before cracking up all over again - anyone else would have been dead, but he's just lost to the moment and, come on, no adult man is immune to toilet humor. It's basically their bread and butter. But this...this is awful. It's awful, and disgusting, and he's about ready to cry from laughing.]

Don't you worry, I got a whole ocean to clean 'em off. Squeaky clean and none the wiser.

[THESE TWO NEED TO BE STOPPED.]

[achievementhunter]

[This entire conversation is terrible. And of course, that just means that Chara's enjoying it all the more- truly, they think they might just like this man... even if they trust him about as far as they can throw him. Some people are just worth talking to more than others.]

I may need a moment, to digest this newfound information. It is difficult to pass.

[AND THEN, THERE WERE PUNS.]

[yallstupid]

[To be fair, Guzma would agree with Chara's sentiment - he's not a good guy, he's barely a decent guy. If he can be avoided, it's for the best. It's what he's told himself for years - he's a screw up that didn't make it far in life. He got out of the mold he was meant to fit, because he was defective. A broken reject no one likes or wants. Utterly useless.

But this is nice. Connecting and laughing for a few hours over something so nonsensical and irrelevant is nice. Guzma can easily key in on the pun, and he snickers loudly with a shake of his head. Awful. Truly awful...and he loves it.]

Dang, this conversation is starting to stink, yo...I'd rate it a solid number two. [Guzma winks with a rather, ahem, shit-eating grin, but he stands up and straightens his back with a satisfying pop.] 'Fraid I gotta wipe my hands clean of it for the night. I hope y'all won't begrudge me none for my crappy etiquette.

[achievementhunter]

[Chara scoffs, shaking their head in mock chagrin.]

And take all the prime jokes with you? For shame, mister Guzma. [Still, the look they give him is mostly mischievous- more like a child their age should be.] I'll remember not toilet you take advantage, next time.

[Smell you later, shitlord.]